Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts

Monday, December 08, 2014

Mrs Egeland Apologises

Dear Readers,

I’m writing to apologise for my absence. It mightn’t be over yet.

The last few months, I have been struggling with some personal issues, that I would love to share with you but I don’t know quite how without sounding like I’m whinging.

My health has worsened. To the point where I’m teetering on the edge of a total breakdown again, this time I’m emotionally stronger. But I’m not sure how long I will be able to last.

My creative impulses are still there but I’m not making anything new, I’m not writing hardly at all, what little creativity that is created is mediocre and not worth anyone’s attention. The new blog lies unused and unappreciated, as I am unable to cope with the level of stress creating a new form for this blog would entail.

The only really worthy creation is my novel, which is right in the middle of publication. Artwork and cover colours are really the only honest-to-good creation I am able to work on, and that is in conjunction with a layout artist and my editor, so my input is minimal.

Unfortunately, I can’t share that with you, not yet, because I’m anxious that the results be seen at their finish rather than half-way through.

Its closing in to the world’s biggest, most expensive festival, Christmas. Something I personal don’t celebrate, so I’m not even doing anything for that. I have a GREAT idea for a homemade decoration that could be customised for every occasion, but even that lies stagnant inside my head as I am too exhausted to even near my sewing machine.

Sometimes, there are moments in life when health, mental and physical have to take precedence over everything else. It seems that if I could just improve a little, I would have the impetus to get back to blogging, creating and sharing the results with you all.

At the moment though, I feel stuck in a rut. As if I had fallen down a deep pit and without a huge shift I can’t get out. No matter how hard I try to pull myself out, to call for help, to see the light I can’t. I merely wear my already worn body out.

So for now, you lovely readers will have to wait it out. I have hope to be able to show you my new book in the next few months.

Thanks for you patience,

Until next time,


Monday, September 22, 2014

Mrs Egeland’s Latest Read Vol.II

It’s been a while since I last posted anything of this series, mostly because I haven’t read any book that I felt would be of interest to you all.

However, my mother was kind enough to send me a book that I think you will all be interested in. This might get deep and insightful, be warned.

HUNGRY by Crystal Renn

A Young Model’s Story of Appetite, Ambition and the Ultimate Embrace of Curves.

What the Blurb Says: Hungry charts the rise, fall and rise of Crystal Renn, offering a behind the scenes peek into the modelling industry, as well as a trenchant look at our weight obsessed culture. In this testament to the power of authenticity, Renn illustrates the ways in which the fashion industry is slowly changing and exposes the cold truths about size and sizeism. An inspiring and cautionary tale, Hungry will resonate with anyone who has battled society’s small-minded definitions of beauty.

I live in a country where I feel overweight, judged by others for not conforming to their national identity and surrounded by obsessive exercisers. That is my personal feelings on the matter! Part of that is my own feelings of insecurity, and nothing to do with the place I live.

This book is also about a woman’s insecurity, that rightly or wrongly, intentionally or not was exploited so that she became an anorexic, exercise bulimic. She was told that she was beautiful but too fat, she had to lose weight and that coupled with her own obsessive personality sent her down a road of starvation and unhappiness. Thankfully she found the strength to eat, to learn to love her natural shape and to stop caring about thigh gap or no thigh gap. 

Its a tale of success, of the perils of the fashion industry and Crystal Renn’s journey from emaciated anorexic to a healthy and successful plus-sized model.

Lessons I Took From It

I think it teaches what we’ve really always known that natural is beautiful and if you are naturally thin then good for you and if you are naturally curvy then good for you too. No one should be forced to being something they’re not even if its themselves doing the forcing. Sometimes we forget that.

It also shows that the beauty industry can be ruthless and extremist.

I can identify with her story because although I have never been anorexic, I am not naturally thin and I have been pressured into thinking that that was wrong, that I should look like everyone else, that I should strive to have tiny thighs with a gap between them. That somehow, because I wasn’t skinny, because I enjoy eating and I don’t go on punishing workouts five days a week I was bad, unhealthy, unattractive. This world is full of judgements and that can get inside your head, even when you have been raised to love yourself and your body, and without diligent hard work to get those extreme ideals out of your head its hard to feel good about who you are, and what you look like.

Everyone should love who they are and what they look like! Its not a privilege of the beautiful, its a right of all mankind!

Well that’s my two pence worth.

Until next time,

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Tuesday, April 08, 2014

Old Fashioned Living

I want to live as old fashioned as possible. I am old fashioned in views and in my style. I like the era’s between the World Wars and the post-war era up until the early 60’s. 

Don't get me wrong, I admit that I AM a hypocrite! Why? Because I'm quite happy to enjoy the advances of the modern era, a smartphone, a flat screen TV, a dishwasher, the internet, a tumble dryer and my laptop. I could survive without those things but that's where i am spoiled, because I don't have to. I live in a world of scientific advancement where all these things are part and parcel of our daily lives.

It’s just that don't want to live in a modern style home, or wear modern style clothes. I want the nostalgic version of the 1950’s, the rose coloured glass version we all love, the one without racial oppression, sexual inequality, rationing or the fear of atomic war. I would love to be a housewife, working only from home and in the home. Having my children around me, taking care of them myself instead of shipping them off to a day-care nursery, having the luxury of cooking a home cooked meal and eating that meal with my husband and children.

That's just it though, isn't it? All of those things are luxury. Gone are the days when those were normal desires for a woman, or in fact considered the role of a woman. These days the role of a woman has a more ample definition, and that is good. A woman of the 21st Century is supposed to be able to have everything, a career and a family. Yet, making the decision to stay at home and taking care of your home and family is frowned upon. Some countries more than in others. It's seen as lazy, not wishing to make a contribution to your family's economy, or as a luxury only for women who don’t have to work to help their family, like those women on the Real housewives show.

The media is filled with images of women who have it all, a high flying career, a great figure, a loving relationship with her partner who has an equally high flying career, happy and well rounded, confident and loved children and an immaculate home with healthy, delicious home cooked meals. I know women who manage to pull of this fantastic lifestyle and by god I applaud them heartily, it’s true that sometimes those home cooked meals are frozen lasagne and that the women themselves look a little frazzled. I wish I felt able to live like that, I wish I relished in having a high flying career and a family to come home to.

But I am half that woman, I don't feel able or even willing to live like that. I mean I have to work for a wage, who doesn’t in this day and age, but I’ve never wanted a career, never strived to make lots of money, or felt overwhelmingly passionate about living the corporate life. I want an old fashioned life, I’ve always wanted that in an old fashioned style home.

So it seems I've come full circle, so what's my point in all this? Is it merely a well written (if I do say so myself) rant? Probably! I prefer to think of it as a magnifying glass on society, a comfort to others who feel the way I do.

We are not alone. We can choose to be housewives, if that’s what we want, so long as our partners agree to that. It doesn’t mean that we are not emancipated, or that we believe a woman’s place is in the home and only the home. Rather it is another choice, a choice we have the right to make as women in a more equal society, just like having a career and a family is a choice.

Power to those of us who make that choice! 

Friday, October 11, 2013

Homesickness, and the choppy seas of marriage.

This is a continuation of the theme that has been invading my blog for quite a while.

I have struggled through another week, and come through it tired of crying, but still depressed. With a husband who equates living in Britain with my leaving him. I suppose because he’s unable to even consider the possibility of his own happiness in my country. Although he expects me to be happy in his country!

He says he wants me to tell him how I feel, when I’m angry with him and homesickness overwhelms me, but what he really wants is a quiet life. In the end all men want is a Stepford wife, a woman who looks good, cleans house, cares for him and doesn’t feel anything but euphoria and ecstacy. Maybe the older ones are a little better, but probably not by much.

The trouble is every time I do tell him I’m angry with him, its another argument about the same thing over and over again. You can only rock the boat so much until someone falls out of it. I don’t want him or me to fall out of the boat! I’m a woman I need to talk, I need the safety valve of blowing off steam. I have girlfriends, my parents and this blog but that doesn’t communicate my feelings to him, but I’m scared I’m going to rip us in two!

As I said in my last post, my homesickness isn’t quite the same as say the homesickness of someone just arriving in a new place. Don’t get me wrong, the feelings are just as intense as those of someone who has recently moved away from everything they know! Its just that all of those little tips to make yourself feel better don’t really help me any. All I can do is keep busy, and try not to dwell to much on how much better I would feel in the UK. I’ve arrived at that stage of numb emptiness, where you don’t really care about anything anymore, because “where’s the point?”. I manage to get up in the morning, I manage to get dressed, I loathe leaving the flat and I don’t really want any company, not even my husband’s, even though I love him to death! But he doesn’t get it. He will never get it.

I find myself searching for things to give me that sensation of being home, its a terrible obsession! I watch BBC entertainment, which is about the closest thing I can get to british TV, I watch Dr Who repeats there and wallow in british-ness of it all. I have my Google account open practically 24/7 waiting for the next email from my parents, I call them up on the phone or Skype and absorb the sensation of home. I do everything I can think of to feel that sensation of wellbeing, even if its just for a moment. There’s only so far you can go on moments of wellbeing, eventually the sensation fades from those things and your left with the overwhelming feeling of being lost and unsure. Eventually you just have to do the one thing that cures the ailment, and hope that you don’t hurt anyone in the process.

I don’t know when I will go home, but I know -  past the numbness, past the emptiness, past the insecurity of being here that in the end I will have to go home and it will have to be for good. I just hope that when that day comes my husband comes with me.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Stay-At-Home Motherhood

Okay so this is coming a bit out of left field, I know, which is why I'm not publishing at date of writing... 07.02.2013. I'm going to sit on it and see if I still want this out there. Firstly I would just like to say to anyone who may have found this blog from a google search, this is not tips or my experience as a SAHMom, sorry. This is a somewhat personal reflection on the desire to be a SAHMom and a Mom in general.

I am 31 years of age, I've been happily married for three years and I've known my husband for about 6 and a half years... so we dated for approx. 3 and a half years. Anyone who has read my blog previously will know that I'm baby crazy, and that I've been struggling with my desires to be a mother for a while. Well its been a year, or there abouts and I'm still struggling with my feelings of being a mother. Of late I've found myself considering what it takes to be a SAHMom, I've since my last blog on the subject changed my work situation, which though still unstable is on the road to a more permanent situation. I'm also studying Childcare, which is very interesting and that I really am enjoying. Perhaps its this that has got me thinking about my own future children and sending them/or not into the childcare system. I was raised in another time, when nurseries and kindergardens where things for people with money and since my parents weren't well of I was raised by my parents at home. I was sent to school and then later, due to sickness, home-schooled. I spent most of my childhood in the company of adults, of my parents. I've always felt that this was a much more natural approach to child-rearing. So its natural, that I would want to be a SAHMom, that I might want to home-school my children, at least through preschool and junior school. We live in a society that due to financial difficulties, career opportunities and lifestyle choices demands some sort of childcare system. But I've seen friends, women who have to work a full-time job to help their families survive and have had to send their young children to a nursery/preschool break their hearts because they can't see their children grow up. They wake them up, take them to preschool, work a full day in an office and then pick up their children at the end of the day, feed them and put them to bed. Childhood is a fleeting and precious thing and no woman... scratch that... NO ONE wants to miss their child's developement into young adults. It goes against everything nature dictates, everything God dictates to us to have to let someone else raise our children, yet in this day and age, when women can have it all, a family and a career, when the economy demands two full time wages to pay for food for a growing family we have little to no choice. Unless we are either willing to sacrifice a career or cut back expenses and sometimes the later is just not feasible. So with all of this milling around in my head I've begun to wonder how can I be a stay at home mother? How will we be able to afford one less full-time paycheck a month? But those are questions I will not be able to answer until the time comes and it really comes down to the question of what am I willing to do without to see my child grow, develope and mature. These are questions that all women, I'm sure ask themselves at one point or another, and thankfully enough I'm sufficiently baby and motherhood obsessed to ask them now, before there is even a glimmer of a child on my horizon. So even though I may not be able to answer the above questions, I can answer this, and as any mother will tell you, I would be willing to sacrifice any amount at all, any thing to be able to give my child the best childhood available, and for my part I believe that has alot to do with being with your child as much time as humanly possible. So that means I will work a little as possible on a secular basis, so that I can dedicate as much of my time to my future child, when he or she arrives. I want to remember how hard it was to feel that empty space, when there was no beloved offspring, I want to remember and record that, so that when the day eventually arrives I can absorb all of the joy and beauty and wonderment. Adieu my readers, adieu and av revior!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The Gems of Life

During my mental meanderings I've had an epiphany! Don't laugh! People spend all of there life looking for the gems of life, love, happiness and peace. Not everyone achieves them, but we all spend our lives searching for these elusive qualities. Human try absolutely everything to find them, from becoming workaholics to religious recluses. No one has the answers, because humans are a 3 dimensional creature and we can't see past our own noses. So we all look for a superior force to tell us what to do next, in the past this was a more important goal in life. Religion was a huge part of western society, these days only religious nuts and the eastern side of the world take any interest in a higher power. But why have we decided that a superior being is nil and void? Is it because we hate the thought that someone bigger than us has the right to tell us what we should do? Or is it because we subconsciously know that we've made a huge mess of it?

Where once humanity was a future forward positive creature, we now have become a nostalgic pessimistic society. Though understanding the need for progress and ecological protection loathes the dawning of a new day, bringing with it the next problem and the newest disaster.

Everyday the television and the newspapers bring us bad news, infectious bird flu, the aids epidemic, another country in flood... will it ever end? Probably, but then humanity asks itself the question how will it end? In tatters. It seems to me that the only people who give us any good news is Jehovah's Witnesses, but still doors are slammed and people reject the message brought.

So we continue searching for the gems of life, and life goes on. I just hope that something changes soon!